Today my body wrote me a letter
On my first morning walk of this year, I thought about the last blog I wrote about listening to others and that I wanted to write about listening to ourselves. This was one of those annual chats to myself about whether I would make any serious new year resolutions. I suddenly laughed out loud when I realised the irony – or even absurdity – of how much I listen to my thousands of thoughts that are often repetitive, safety-seeking, and not particularly helpful. And yet, my body communicates to me constantly in the most pure, wise, and essential ways that I often ignore.
In the spirit of sabbaticals and slow January, my body sent me strong impulses to write a poem about this topic rather than an essay. This time I listened and I hope this poem speaks to you in some way too…
TODAY MY BODY WROTE ME A LETTER
Today my body wrote me a letter.
She must be feeling desperate to do that
Especially given how little I listen to her.
She told me that at this point in our relationship
She won’t be so patient or so easy-breezy.
That from now on her messages would be bold,
Blunt, and impossible for me to brush off.
I shrugged and nodded. But today I felt very tired,
Very lazy – my words, not hers – and my back wouldn’t
Let me charge and hurry and race like before.
She also hinted at feeling jealous and fed-up with
The attention I give to my thoughts. She even said I
Was stupid but I think these are my words – not hers.
She wants me to listen to her signals, carefully, she said.
I shrugged and nodded. But today I thought I was angry
At, well, just the whole world. I stopped and noticed her
Nudges in my belly, heart and eyes and damnit, I felt sad.
She didn’t actually say this but she knows she’s always right.
She knows she’s been my most loyal, devoted friend all my life,
Doing her best even when I’ve bullied her to breaking.
And now I feel sad again because even she has her limits and
I don’t want to lose her. I told her I’d try harder. She shrugged
and nodded and reminded me that words are not her thing.